


Maddie In Love

by Meowser_Clancy



Series: Madney Moments [8]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, F/M, First Kisses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:21:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24222721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meowser_Clancy/pseuds/Meowser_Clancy
Summary: Madney. The ups and downs of being in love.
Relationships: Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Series: Madney Moments [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1748338
Comments: 5
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

This was hell, Maddie reflected, staring at the muffin in her hand.

"What are you thinking about?" Buck asked, glancing up from his phone. "You've been silent for five minutes now, and usually when we do breakfast, you can't stop talking."

"I don't know," she sighed, putting the muffin down.

"Not hungry?" He wondered, crooking a brow. "I thought you loved these muffins. They're paleo."

"Well, Gloria may have ruined them for me, just a little bit," she chuckled. "That's a small part of this."

Buck sighed. "You've been really down lately, Maddie. Please, talk to me."

"It's just…" She took a deep breath. "I didn't expect I'd ever fall in love again. I didn't want to fall in love again. Being in love is torturous."

Buck's eyebrow was still raised. "Maddie?"

"I thought I was done with this bullshit," she sighed. "I haven't felt like this since...since before I married Doug. I forgot how much it sucks."

Now Buck was silent, but he finally spoke. "Who are we-sorry, you-in love with?"

She felt her cheeks flush. "You know who I'm in love with," she mumbled, taking this opportunity to bite into her muffin.

"Yeah, but I'm going to make you say it," he said.

"I'm in love with Chimney," she said, after a long pause. "Or at least, I really like him."

"No, you're in love," he said, laughing a little and leaning back in his seat. "You're in the deep end, Maddie. You're screwed."

"I know," she groaned, covering her face with her hands. "But I don't want to be. This is unfair and this is not what I wanted. Buck. I have no idea if he feels the same way. I really think he does, I do. We spend so much time together and he's so kind to me and I know that there is at least a...a...fondness, but I don't know if I should say something, I don't know if I should wait for him to say something."

Buck burst out laughing. "Maddie, Chimney is crazy about you," he said. "How could you doubt that? He spends every minute he can with you, and whenever you text he's thinking about it the rest of the day."

"But maybe we're just friends," she insisted. "I was so vulnerable and Chimney might have just jumped into big brother mode."

"Maddie," Buck began, but she interrupted him.

"Buck, I don't want to feel friendzoned right now," she began. "Just listen. I know this is windy, but I don't really have girlfriends right now that I can talk to about this and I need to hear from someone else."

"Okay," he said, crossing his arms. "Give me what you got."

"I feel so grateful for Chimney," she continued, words halting. "He is the type of friend I never expected to have, and I feel...guilty for wanting more. I feel like I already have so much from him and it's just ungrateful to not be satisfied with what I have. We spend time together, we hug, we're so close right now, and I feel like I should be happy with what I have, but I'm not." There was a hard lump in her throat and she fought to keep talking, feeling tears well up. "I don't want to lose him," she said. "I love him, but I don't want to ruin this, whatever it is. I don't want to definie our relationship if the definition isn't what I want it to be, but if we leave it up in the air, I might actually lose my mind from trying to figure out what's going on."

She was crying now, and she could feel that Buck was a little out of his depth, but he got up from where he sat, and came over to give her an awkward hug.

Teenage Maddie wouldn't have believed this moment. Teenage Maddie would have rolled her eyes and vowed to never be so vulnerable with her younger, immature brother. But Buck had changed, so much, and she felt comfortable being honest with him for the first time in their lives.

"I don't know what to say," he admitted, patting her on the back like she was a baby that needed to be burped. It was clumsy comfort, but it was comforting, and she settled into his arms. "I think that it's crazy that you can't see how much Chimney likes you. But I also know where you're coming from. You don't know where you stand right now, and that's torture." He was quiet for a minute. "I think a lot of my relationship with Abby, we weren't on firm ground. Like, we were. We knew each other well, and we had an established, like, friendship before we started dating or sleeping together. But I don't know how honest we were, even after."

He kissed her on the top of her head. "Maddie, falling in love with your best friend is just, like, part of the human condition. If you're close to someone, and you're at the right time in your life, it happens. Don't feel bad about wanting more. It doesn't mean what you have isn't enough."

He fell silent again. "That's all I've got," he admitted, a minute later. "I don't know about the rest. I think you and Chimney go well together and you make each other happy, and as weird as it would be to see you guys start...dating...I support you."

"But what if we break up?" Maddie whispered, her voice broken. "What if he does like me back, and we start dating, and it ends badly? I can't handle another broken heart."

"I firmly believe you can handle anything that life throws at you at this point," Buck said. "Listen to me right now. You are one of the strongest people that I know. If your heart breaks, it will mend and you aren't going to break with it. I will literally stand here holding you together."

She burst out laughing. "You'll just come to work with me and like, clutch my arms all day, making sure I don't fall apart."

"If that's what it takes," he told her. "And besides that, what if you don't break up? What if you two are together for fifty years? It's kind even odds right now, as far as we can tell."

He pulled away, digging through his pockets and grabbing a quarter. "I don't know if that math is right but it doesn't matter. Heads it works out, tails it doesn't. And we can stand here and flip this coin for hours, and it'll be a fifty/fifty shot."

The coin clattered to the ground, and Maddie watched it spin around, her heart beating. Heads.

Buck shrugged as he picked it up. "And to end on a really corny note, you miss all the shots you don't take," he said.

* * *

Chimney texted early the next day that he'd be getting off early that night.

I'm getting off at five instead of eight. Did you want to do something? I think you said you were off (Chimney)

I am off. Do you want to come over? We can get takeout or something (Maddie)

I'll be there around 5:30 (Chimney)

Sounds good (Maddie)

It was nearing 5:15, and Maddie had changed her clothes five times already. She knew it didn't matter what she wore, and Chimney wouldn't care if she wore a paper bag, but her heart was pounding and her mouth was dry, and she was so nervous tonight.

She wanted to tell him. If the timing felt right, and there was a pause in the evening...She had to tell him. She had to tell him or she'd lose her mind.

She smoothed sweaty hands over her pants, finally settling on leggings and a long sweater. She couldn't think about this any longer.

A glass of wine was what she needed, she thought to herself, rushing down the stairs and tumbling into the kitchen. She poured a glass of chardonnay and settled onto the couch, trying to calm down.

And then she heard his knock at the door, much sooner than she'd thought it would be, and she went on shaking legs to open it up.

They hugged. She felt like she wasn't experiencing it so much as watching them, watching how nervous she was and how fast she was talking about nonsensical topics.

It took them half an hour to decide what to eat, mainly because Maddie kept changing her mind. She couldn't take her eyes off of Chimney. The way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. How he sounded when he laughed. How often he laughed around her.

Oh my god. She made him happy, didn't she?

Her mind was working at a lightning speed, going back through previous encounters. Chimney had his own fears and doubts about himself. She knew he wasn't always that confident, especially around women, and that his heart had been broken too many times before.

She knew about Tatiana and deeply resented the woman, not only for hurting him so badly, but for getting the chance to love him and not realizing what a great gift it was.

They ate dinner, and they kept talking. She marveled at how there was always a new conversation topic, how it was never hard to talk to him. He talked about his childhood, which reminded her of a book she'd read, which would take him to something that happened in college.

She loved him, she realized anew, her heart pounding as she took a bite of noodles.

She loved him, as they washed the dishes together and joked about how she still got lost in LA.

She loved him, she knew, as they played a fierce game of battleship, which he narrowly won.

She loved him, her heart ached, as she could feel the evening draw to a close.

The lump in her throat was back and they were sitting together on the couch in sudden dead silence.

Her cheeks felt hot, and her breathing was coming quicker. Every part of her body was pulsing, flushed, anxious.

She was smiling at him, she realized, unable to keep the glow off of her face.

He glanced up at her. "What?" He wondered, smiling in return.

"I don't know," she said, ducking her head, and he sighed, shaking his.

Silence again, and Maddie found herself placing a hand on his shoulder. He glanced at his shoulder, his eyes registering it, and his eyes met hers for a brief moment before turning back away. He was rubbing his hands together, and she could see his lips working as he tried to piece words together.

She leaned on his shoulder, her heartbeat still quick, and he calmed her. Being close to him calmed her, so much.

"Maddie," he began, and then stopped again, flustered.

She pulled back, crossing her legs and turning on the couch to face him.

He turned to face her now, and his hand slowly came to take hers.

"I like you," he said slowly. "And I know that we might not be ready for...for a next step, or to talk about this, but I really like you."

She couldn't even breathe right now. Her cheeks were scarlet red and she felt every part of her body literally pumping with happiness. Her heartbeat was in her ears and she tried to find words to respond with.

"Chimney, I'm ready," she whispered, unable to speak louder she was so nervous. "I like you too. I've been dying this past month trying to figure out what you wanted, trying to see if telling you would ruin everything."

He made a choked sound, his hand tightening over hers. "Oh my god, Maddie," he whispered, and she moved forward, throwing her arms around his neck.

It was a tight hug, a much needed hug, and she felt much calmer once she pulled back, taking his hand in hers.

"You're going to be the first person I've dated since Doug. I need to move slowly," she told him. "Really slowly. Like glacier slow."

He smiled, squeezing tight. "I'm okay with that," he told her. "You make me happy, Maddie Buckley. So happy."

"Howie Han, I never thought I'd ever feel like this again, and before you told me you liked me back, I didn't think it was a good thing that I did," she chuckled, and he hugged her again, and they fell silent.

When she pulled back, she couldn't tear her eyes off of his lips.

But she wasn't ready for that. She couldn't handle the physical side yet, and she needed to learn new patterns; she needed to create competely new pathways in her brain.

"I want to kiss you right now," she told him, her voice still low. "If I didn't care so much about how this relationship goes, I'd be climbing on your lap right now and we'd be making out. But I do. I can't risk this not lasting, Chim. I don't want to burn too hot."

He held her hands tighter. "Maddie, I don't want to burn too hot either," he said. "Whenever, wherever the boundaries are, I won't step past them. I don't want to."

She nodded. "Well. You can want to."

He laughed, a choked sound that ended quickly. "I want to," he admitted. "But not at the risk of you."

"You need to go home," she whispered, a few minutes later. "Or i'm going to do something I regret."

"Yeah," he replied, and the air around them was suddenly too heavy.

Her arms felt heavy, her head felt heavy.

She could feel his gaze on her lips, and she could feel how hard it was for him to stand up.

They hugged again, at the door, lingering, tight. "I'll see you later," he told her, and she nodded, closing the door behind him and running to pick up her phone, texting Buck in all capital letters.

CHIMNEY LIKES ME (Maddie)

Of course he does (Buck)

A girlfriend would have asked to hear everything, and Maddie didn't expect another response, but her phone was ringing and it was her brother on the other line.

"Are you happy?" He asked. "Are we all good now?"

"Yeah," she told him, her smile showing in her voice. "We're dating now. I have a boyfriend."

"Oh my god, it's sixth grade and Zach Johnson all over again," he said.

"Shut up, it's so much different," she laughed. "Buck. Thank you."

"You're welcome," he replied. "Is the coast clear? Can I come home now?"

"Yes," she replied, going up the stairs. "Come home."

* * *

**A/N: Late author's note. I'm going to try to include Buck more in my madney stories. I think he's a great character, I just shy from writing him because I don't know if I'm getting the tone right. But I think the sibling relationship is amazing and should be explored more.**

**In more personal news, this chapter and story is going to be almost fully based off of what's happening in my life right now. I have my own Chimney and last night he finally told me he likes after a month of me dying inside wondering what we were doing. So updates will depend on how things go there :D**

**But Maddie in this chapter is literally me this past month, wondering if my boo liked me back, and hating the feeling of being in love and ceding control again. I've been single for seven months now, and I was kind of hoping to be single longer, but my heart said differently, and, thank god, my boo did too. Love y'all. Everyone deserves their own Chimney. Someone who's patient and kind and doesn't push needed boundaries. Someone you have a real friendship with. Guysssssssss I love Chimney and Maddie and I LOVE that I can see myself in them. If this doesn't happen on the show I'll be sad but I'll understand :) ~Meowser**

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

Chimney was really tired, but Maddie's voice excited filled his ears and he refused to hang up. She was amped up because her favorite book was being made into a movie, and she was naming off actors she hoped would play them.

"I think that George Clooney would be perfect for Adam," she told him. "But Clooney of twenty years ago; he's really too old now."

"What about one of the Ryans?" Chimney yawned, barely stifling it before Maddie would hear.

"No," Maddie insisted, and Chimney, as much as he tried to pay attention, find his mind wandering. He wished she was here, honestly. He could almost see her, if he concentrated. She'd be sitting cross-legged on his couch, probably with a nearly empty bowl of popcorn in front of her (she was obsessed with popcorn), and she'd be waving her hands excitedly. She would probably have brought the book with her to tell him her favorite parts as well, and he could imagine her reading them off, her brow furrowing as she tried to read clearly and passionately.

"Chim?" Maddie's voice broke into his little daydream. "You there?"

"Yes, yes, I am here," he said. "Sorry, my mind wandered."

"To what?" She asked, curious.

"Um…" Probably better to not tell her that he was fantasizing about her. "Nothing much."

"Oh," she replied, voice flatter now. "Chim, you sound tired."

"No, I'm not, I'm fine," he said. "I'm sorry, Maddie. My mind just drifted, I swear I'm listening."

"Well, okay," she said. "Um. How was your day?"

He felt bad. They'd already talked at the beginning of the call about how everything was going, and he could tell that Maddie felt guilty right now, probably thinking she'd monopolized the conversation. And that wasn't accurate at all.

"It was good," he said softly. "Maddie, do you want to come over tomorrow night?"

It was an abrupt topic change but he suddenly just really wanted to see her. He really wished she was here. He'd move to sit next to her, and she'd lean her head on his shoulder, and they'd fall asleep together on the couch as they'd done many times before.

God, he loved her.

"Yeah," she replied, surprise in her voice. "But I don't get off work til ten."

"That's fine," he said. "And now I have to admit, I'm kind of sleepy."

"Okay," she replied. "We can hang up now."

"No," he said. "That's not what I meant. I want to keep talking, I'm just tired."

"Chim, it's fine," she laughed. "I'm not insulted."

"Don't hang up," he yawned again and he could hear her laugh again resounding. God, she had a beautiful laugh. It only made him want her here more. He'd pull her into a bear hug until she stopped laughing, and then they'd end up just looking at each other's face, suddenly transfixed. He'd brush her hair back from her ear, and almost kiss her. Almost. He'd stop himself at the last minute. They weren't ready for that. "I miss you, Maddie."

"I've been talking your ear off for forty minutes now," she scoffed. "How can you miss me?"

"I always miss you," he replied. "Sometimes even when you're right here because I know the time will come that we'll be apart again."

"You are so…" Her voice trailed off.

"Corny?" He supplied.

"Yeah, but I feel the same way," she admitted. "Sometimes we're sitting on the couch together and it's perfect and then my heart just hurts because I know that I'll wake up alone."

His own heart hurt in response to thinking that Maddie was ever lonely. "Well, there's one solution to that I can think of," he replied, and then realized how very pushy that sounded. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that," he rushed to correct himself. "You aren't ready for sleepovers and that's fine."

"Chim…" She paused, and he could hear her thinking.

"Maddie?" He said, after she was silent for a moment too long.

"I really wouldn't mind...I mean…" He could again almost see her; she'd be biting her lip, trying to figure out words. "I think I'd like a sleepover," she admitted. "Maybe not yet, but soon. I...I don't like sleeping alone, and god knows we fall asleep on the couch together half the time you're over here anyway."

"Say the word," he told her. "But seriously, don't feel like there's a timer on it now. Whenever you're ready is good, be it six weeks or six months or even six years."

"God knows I won't last that long," she laughed. "Okay. I'll let you know."

Another moment of silence. "I need to go to bed," she finally spoke. "Good night, Chim."

"Good night, Maddie," he told her. "If you wake up, and you're lonely...pretend I'm there. Call me. I'll answer, and I'll talk you through it."

"Okay," she whispered. "Um. Thank you."

He could feel the unspoken words that she was afraid to say too soon. The unspoken 'i love you' hung in the air for far too long after, haunting him as he got ready for bed.

He picked up his phone, feeling that sleep was coming soon, but knowing it would be another fifteen minutes. He knew that everyone said to turn off your phone thirty minutes before bed but honestly, sometimes he couldn't sleep until he'd dulled his mind by watching a show or surfing social media til his mind was numb.

There was a text from Maddie, and he wasn't sure how he'd missed it while brushing his teeth. His heart jumped and he slid it open.

**I'll see you tomorrow...I think I'm going to bring my pajamas (Maddie)**

His heart jumped even more, and he fumbled to find a reply.

**Pajamas or not, come over (Chimney)**

Oh god. That sounded really wrong. He only realized that **after he hit sent, and facepalmed. What was with him tonight?**

**I did not mean it like that (Chimney)**

**I know (Maddie)**

**Don't worry, it made me laugh (Maddie)**

**Okay. Good night Maddie (Chimney)**

**Good night (Maddie)**

Chimney rolled over in bed, waiting to see if she'd text again, seeing the bubbles and knowing that she was typing. But then the little cloud disappeared and he sighed, putting his phone down.

He wondered what tomorrow night would bring, and it made sleeping very hard.

* * *

**A/N: For me, falling in love comes with a lot of anxiety, and being in a relationship only increases the anxiety. So haha there will be a lot of confusion and stress and angst in general in this story. Which ummm is kind of typical of anything I write ;P**

**Buckle up! Wild ride ahead ~Meowser**

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Bit of language in this one. I'm really enjoying writing Buck however.**

Maddie and Chimney had come to the decision together, after a lot of talking about it. She wasn't ready for physical stuff, and he was okay with that.

Since they'd started dating, they'd definitely hugged a lot more. When watching a movie together, they always moved into each other, ending up tangled up together on the couch, her head on his shoulder and his hands moving lazily over her arms.

She remembered her relationship with Doug being so very different. They'd jumped to having sex almost right away, and after that just sitting on the couch together wasn't enough. If they started cuddling, that meant that sex had to follow or Doug would angrily accuse her of being a cocktease, or something else along those lines.

Maddie loved being close to Chimney. She loved not worrying about him thinking she was leading him on by wanting to be very close to him without taking clothes off or even kissing.

She wasn't ready to be sexually physical, but dear god, she only wanted to be closer to him.

Sleeping alone at night was hard, but Maddie knew that it was better for them. Sleeping together would be amazing and wonderful, and she only wanted him in bed next to her late at night, but she knew that it would get too easy to start kissing, and from there, having sex.

Which she was definitely not opposed to. She just wasn't ready for that yet. She needed time to make sure that this relationship was real, that it would last.

After all, they'd only been dating two weeks.

Maddie face palmed internally, taking another sip of coffee. She and Buck were at the coffee shop near their (her?) apartment, which had become their new hangout. Neither of them could make a good pot of coffee, and Maddie really liked the hazelnut blend this place had.

"What's up?" Buck wondered. "Chimney do something stupid?"

His tone was joking, but guarded, and Maddie knew that as much as her brother loved Chimney, he would choose his sister over his friend, which both warmed her heart and made it ache, vowing to make sure that never had to happen.

"No, not at all," she replied. "Honestly, dating hasn't been that different, which is a good thing. We hang out, we talk, and we just...touch a little more."

"And kiss," Buck laughed.

"Actually, no," Maddie admitted, after a long moment.

Buck laughed, and then choked on his coffee. "Wait, are you serious?" He asked. "You guys haven't kissed yet?"

Maddie shrugged, a smile on her lips as she took another sip of coffee. "Didn't you and Abby wait for awhile?"

"Yeah, but we weren't cuddling on the couch during that time, we were strictly on the phone," he said. "I couldn't have kept my hands to myself if we'd been hanging out in person."

"Well, Chimney can," she said. "And we're still touching, just holding hands and hugs over making out."

"Wow," Buck said. "That's...so weird, but that's so good." He quieted. "I mean, are you sure you're ready for a relationship if you aren't ready for...you know?"

Maddie sighed. "Honestly, I ask myself that question every day. And I also wonder if it's unfair to Chimney. But...I don't know. We're enjoying each other right now. Buck, I've never had a relationship like this. Where taking it slow actually meant taking it slow. Usually when I tell a guy that, it means that they figure out what's off limits and then push to do everything but."

"I've been that guy," Buck admitted. "Figured out where the line in the sand was, and did everything I could to get over it." He rubbed his forehead. "Maddie, I'm sorry."

"You're learning," Maddie replied. "And don't do it again. I've learned that it's okay to break things off early if you realize you want different things. If a girl isn't ready, but it's all you can think about, maybe it means breaking up because being friends with her isn't enough for you." She took another sip of coffee. "But you've also learned that sometimes, being friends is enough. And that's when you know it's real."

The smile on Buck's face vanished. "I miss Abby," he admitted. "That relationship changed my entire life, and I hate that she's gone, but I can't hate that she left. She needed it." He shook his head. "I needed her, though."

Maddie reached to place her hand on his shoulder. "Buck, you don't need her. As much as it hurts me to say and think, I don't need Chimney either. A big part of not getting physical right now is making sure that I don't become dependent on him. I need to know that I'm enough without him, because otherwise if we break up, I'm going to lose myself."

"Which is what happened to me when Abby left," Buck sighed.

"Yeah, kind of," Maddie replied. "But you can be grateful for her, however. Knowing Abby did change you in a tangible way. I don't think we could be having this conversation right now if you hadn't dated."

"Was I really that bad?" Buck wondered.

"Kind of," Maddie said, raising her shoulder in a shrug. "I mean, I wasn't here for most of it, but I know that in high school, you were the guy who slept with as many girls as possible. I will say this, Buck. They weren't conquests. You honestly thought there was a bond, a possibility you'd be able to make a lasting relationship with them. Sex isn't the way to do that, though, and that's a really hard lesson to learn."

"Something Abby said once, when we were talking about waiting," Buck began. "She said something, I can't remember how she phrased it, but it was like...sex can't create bonds that aren't there, but it can strengthen bonds that are. And I think I believed her at the time, and then cast it aside when she left, and then I only recently thought of it again."

"She was right," Maddie said.

Both siblings were quiet for a long time, finishing their coffee. "Buck, can I tell you something?" Maddie asked as they stood up, getting ready to go.

"Anything," he said, giving her a tight hug as they reached the door.

"Just because we aren't kissing right now, doesn't mean that I don't want to," she confessed. "I really fucking want to, and sometimes when we're hanging out, it is all I can think about."

Buck burst out laughing. "So Maddie isn't celibate after all," he chuckled.

"I"m awful," she groaned. "Last night we went out for pizza, but that's only because I didn't trust myself to be alone around him without jumping on his lap."

"Okay, that's too much," Buck said, covering his ears and both siblings laughed. "You telling me that made me feel better," he admitted.

"Hey, wanting to have sex is kind of the human condition," Maddie said. "And just because we aren't doesn't mean I stopped wanting it. I just realize that I need to develop new patterns, and that I'm probably not ready for it."

They'd reached her car, and Buck was holding open the door.

"I'm afraid," she admitted.

"Of Chimney?" He asked, a frown creasing his brow.

"No, god, no," she said. "I'm afraid that if I kiss him, I won't be able to stop myself from doing more."

"Then tell him that," Buck said, after a long moment. "Chim is a good guy. Tell him how hard it is, and I know he'll help in that regard. If you say you aren't ready to kiss him, and that being alone is getting hard for you, tell him."

Maddie bit her lip, buckling up and looking up at her younger brother still outside the car. "When did you get so smart?" She wondered.

"I don't think I am smart, not yet," he said. "But I know Chim, and I know you. And I'm proud of you for taking it slow. That's not easy."

* * *

No, taking it slow was most definitely not easy.

They'd gone out again; Chim had come over after work, and they'd hugged at the door. He'd asked what she was in the mood for, and Maddie had been caught in the moment, burying her face in his shoulder, holding him tight.

And she knew what she wanted to say. She wasn't really hungry for food as much as she was hungry for him.

So she did what Buck had told her.

"I'm in the mood for kissing you," she finally said, her lips near his ear, and she could feel him still a little. "Lots and lots of kissing. And sitting on your lap for about three hours."

"Really?" Chimney asked, his voice a little strangled.

"Yeah," she said. "And then Chinese."

He laughed a little, as Maddie pulled back, and the laughter died. Maddie couldn't remember ever feeling so turned on before. Her cheeks were hot, and she was tingling all over, and she just wanted to pull him towards her.

"I really want to kiss you, but I can't yet," she said. "And I really want to stay at the apartment but I honestly don't trust myself to be alone around you. And I do trust you, completely."

Chimney nodded; speaking seemed a little hard. "Okay," he said. "Thank you for the honesty. Um. I'd like to kiss you too."

"I hope so," she whispered, and he smiled, and they stared at each other. Maddie stepped back into his arms, and his hands went to her arms, rubbing up and down, and Maddie buried her face in his neck again. Restraining herself from kissing him was physically painful.

"Then let's go to Hunan Palace," Chim said, his voice near her ear, and Maddie almost groaned from how much that turned her on. "We can eat there instead of getting takeout like always."

"Good plan," she said.

She hadn't taken the car ride there into consideration, however.

Being alone in a car with him was torturous. Maddie forced herself to talk about work, to ask him how busy the 118 had been that day.

She figured that he knew she was trying to distract herself, and he went along with it gamely, starting a conversation/argument over whether mayonnaise was gross or not.

Distraction achieved, they got to the restaurant and ordered food. They talked, as they usually did, about movies, about food, about his family and hers, and about, well, everything.

They'd already known each other so long, and they still had so much to talk about. Maddie quietly marveled over this, her heart glowing as their hands tangled together on the table, holding tight.

She'd never felt this close to another person.

She had never expected to feel this close to someone; this relationship was completely different from every other relationship she'd had before. It was rewriting the way she thought of things. No one had ever treated her with such care before, and it made her feel so precious, as though she was actually worth it.

That she, the broken Maddie Buckley, was worth every second Chimney spent with her, even though she couldn't see what he was getting out of it.

He had to love her, on some level. He truly cared for her, at any rate, and that only made Maddie's heart ache more.

They said no to dessert, and Maddie held his hand tight in hers as they left, reaching his car. He was walking to open her door for her, and Maddie stopped him, her hands moving to his shoulders.

And they were so close.

Chimney's eyes were so dark right now, and she could only stare at him, her breath catching.

She wanted him so badly. She wanted to kiss him, she wanted to sit on his lap. She wanted to go to bed with him, and she could imagine how good it would be, how their obvious sexual chemistry would take over, and it would be amazing.

And she wanted to kiss him so much, and she knew he wanted to kiss her, but neither of them made a move.

"Time to take you home," he finally whispered, and she nodded.

They didn't talk nearly as much on the ride home. Maddie found herself pressing tiny kisses to his shoulder when she got in, desperately wishing she could do more.

His hand came to hold hers briefly at a red light, and he turned his head to meet her gaze.

"Hey," he told her. "It's gonna be worth the wait. We both know that. And while I'm not opposed to kissing you tomorrow, or right now, I'm not opposed to waiting another month if that's what you need."

She nodded, trying to speak, but there was a sudden lump in her throat.

"I just want to make sure you have enough time," he told her, still holding her hand tight. "That you don't feel pressured, that you're actually ready. I'm not dating you just to kiss you, and we don't have to kiss until you are completely, 100% ready."

She couldn't answer with words, so instead she lifted his hand to her lips and pressed a series of kisses to his palm.

She hugged him tight before getting out of the car once they'd arrived at her house, knowing that she didn't dare invite him up. "Soon," she said, and Chimney chuckled.

"There's no rush," he reminded gently, and she smiled at him, feeling an almost glow come over her from how happy he made her.

"No rush," she whispered, and he smiled back.

"Good night, Maddie."

"Good night, Chim," she whispered, and walked inside.

* * *

**A/N: Y'all, they'll definitely kiss someday. I'm just going to torture them a bit more first. Half considering writing a chapter simliar to this from Chim's POV, with Hen and Bobby being the people he talks to. I probably should LOL. Hope y'all enjoyed. ~Meowser**


	4. Chapter 4

She had planned out their first kiss, Maddie thought to herself, standing in the grocery store in front of the wine and trying to figure out if she should get red or white. She preferred white, but Chimney liked beer better, so was red a fair compromise?

She had no idea. She grabbed a bottle of cabernet and placed it into the cart, her hands shaking a little. She was cooking dinner for the two of them, and she hadn't cooked for them before now. They'd always gotten takeout if they were staying in, both admitting that they couldn't really cook.

Maddie had one dish, however, that she did well. It had been her mother's 'company' dinner, what she always served when people were coming over that she wanted to impress. She'd learned it early on, and now…

Now she wanted to cook it for Chimney, she reflected, looking at the contents of her cart. Green vegetables, for a stirfry, chicken thighs and chorizo, and ingredients for twice baked potatoes.

She was done.

Oh, did she need dessert? She wondered, and then realized that Chimney was bound to ask if there was anything he could bring, and if she said no, he'd probably bring something anyway.

So she'd tell him to grab dessert.

She walked to the checkout, her mind spinning, going over the plan for tonight. She'd decided that since they'd been dating for a month, it wasn't too soon for their first kiss. She'd known him for so long now, and she felt ready. As ready as she'd ever be.

Besides. It was getting harder and harder to not kiss him whenever she saw him, and they'd only been spending more time together lately.

So. She'd decided to kiss Chimney as soon as he walked in the door, and get over the nervousness and the tension from putting it off. And then the evening would be light and fun and after dinner they'd makeout on the couch.

This was a perfect plan, Maddie decided, exhaling, feeling better about it all after going through everything again. She was ready for this. She was prepared.

* * *

The chicken wasn't anywhere near done, and Chimney was due to get here in...She looked in a panic at her phone again. Five minutes.

Why had she done this to herself? She wasn't much of a cook, she knew that from years of living with Doug and getting criticized when she did cook, and when she didn't.

She was only panicking now, and Buck was still here, even though she'd clearly told him when Chimney was coming over.

She'd just wanted an evening alone.

Buck wandered into the kitchen, raising an eyebrow. "Wow. You really went all out. Wait. Is this mom's company dinner?"

She nodded, placing fingers on her temples to massage there. "Yeah," she said, trying to figure out a way to get him out of the apartment before Chimney got there without him figuring out what she was up to.

"Who are you trying to impress? Chimney is already head over heels for you," Buck laughed.

"Not helpful," Maddie said. "Are you leaving soon?"

"Yeah, probably, I'm waiting for Eddie to not be busy," Buck said, taking a taste of the leftover mashed potatoes on the counter.

Maddie didn't even pay attention to his words. "I told you when Chimney was going to be here," she said, trying to measure her words.

"Yeah," Buck said.

So why are you still here? Maddie felt her head explode, and she turned away from him, trying to calm herself down. Chimney wouldn't mind, but she would. She couldn't greet him at the door with a kiss, their first kiss, if Buck was here.

She inhaled, trying to breathe. One, two, three…

The chicken was coming along, and it would be fine. The potatoes were done and so were the veggies. Oh god. They were going to be cold by the time the chicken was done.

And then the doorbell rang.

"I'll grab it," Buck said, before she could say a word, and she stared at her brother, mouth opening in disbelief.

He returned in a moment with Chimney in tow, and both were faced with a very stressed Maddie, who couldn't find words for this moment.

Everything was in shambles. Maybe she was overreacting, but this was not how the evening was supposed to have gone.

"Hey," Chimney greeted, eyes warm, holding out a bag which must contain the dessert. "I brought cake."

Maddie was two seconds away from bursting into tears and didn't trust herself to speak. "Okay," she said, and turned away.

Dead silence.

She couldn't tell what Buck and Chimney were doing but her hands were shaking from how much she didn't know what she was doing, and if this was the right choice, and she couldn't even breathe properly right now.

It was a full on panic attack, and Maddie didn't know how to handle it.

"Okay," Buck said. "Well. I'm going to go now."

"See you later," Chimney said.

"Bye," Maddie managed, and waited for her brother to leave before turning to face Chimney.

"Hey," he said, putting the cake on the counter and walking forward. "What's up? Are you okay?"

She managed to nod, but when his hands touched her shoulders and he pulled her into a hug, she melted, starting to sob.

"Maddie," he whispered, so much worry in his voice, rubbing her back. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, this just…" She tried to speak, and couldn't, hating herself for being like this, for having this reaction. Nothing that had just happened was a big deal, but her brain wouldn't believe it.

"This evening hasn't gone as planned," she finally spoke, after a few minutes of crying. "Nothing happened. I'm just overreacting."

She was pulling away, but his hands stayed on her shoulders, rubbing gently. "Maddie, it's okay," he said. "I promise."

She managed to nod, and Chimney reached up to brush away some of the tears on her cheeks. "Breathe," he said. "In and out."

She nodded, moving to grab a tissue and blow her nose. She was so embarrassed.

"Now," he said. "Like I said, I brought cake."

"Well, I made dinner, but the chicken isn't cooking and the potatoes and veggies are going to be cold by the time I serve it," she managed.

"Then we'll reheat them," he said. "It's okay."

The tears were still lurking, but Maddie inhaled, moving to embrace him, holding tight. "I'm okay now," she said, but the rest of dinner was stilted. Chimney praised everything, ate everything, but Maddie picked at the chicken and only finished the potato, ending up scraping the rest of her plate into a container so she could take it to work for lunch the next day.

Chimney helped her load the dishes into the dishwasher, and Maddie poured a glass of wine for herself, and one for him, and they went to sit down on the couch together.

"So. Want to watch the latest episode of Brooklyn 99?" Chimney asked gently, as she moved to be sitting closer to him. He moved to place his arm around her, drawing her in.

"That would be nice," she said, taking the remote and navigating the menus until the new episode was playing.

And then silence.

She snuggled into his chest, her head on his shoulder, her breathing steadying.

Her heartbeat was only getting more erratic, though, pounding in her ears. She wanted to kiss him. She really wanted to kiss him, but she wasn't sure if she was ready for it, and what she should do now, because her plan was all wonky, and dinner had been ruined, even if Chimney had tried to tell her that it was fine.

It wasn't fine.

She tried to tell herself that she wouldn't care about it in a week, which was probably true, but in the moment, the words meant nothing to her and before she realized it, the episode was over and she hadn't paid attention to it at all.

"That was a great episode," Chimney said, leaning to place a kiss on her temple. "You seem a little out of it, though."

"Just a little," Maddie admitted, pulling a pillow onto her lap.

"Do you want me to stay, or to go?" He asked, slowly pulling away. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"No," she said immediately. "I want you to stay."

"Okay," he said, settling back into the couch. "Then I'll just stop talking now, and let us breathe."

He squeezed her shoulder, and pulled her closer again. Maddie couldn't breathe, though, and she knew there was only one thing that would fix this. Get it over with. Which was a terrible way to think about their first kiss, but right now, she was only freaking out about it and once it was done with, she could enjoy herself again. Enjoy Chimney. Enjoy this moment without this huge, unspoken desire between them.

She moved to sit on her feet, shifting away from him. He looked at her in surprise, and she tried hard to speak.

"So I had a plan for this evening," she began. "A plan that Buck completely ruined."

Chimney laughed, before sobering at how she serious she still was.

"And it was really hard for me to readjust after that," she continued. "But my plan for this evening was for us to have our first kiss." She hated how dorky she sounded, but she didn't want this to be a sneak attack. Plus, honesty only strengthened relationships, and she wanted her relationship with Chimney to be ironclad. "And I still want to do that, but I can't figure out a way to do it romantically, so instead I'm going to ruin the moment and announce myself."

Chimney's lips twitched in a smile, and he reached to take her hand in his, his other hand going to cup her face. "Maddie, you aren't ruining anything," he said. "Dinner was amazing, spending time with you is always good, and this moment only got better when you decided to speak."

"And?" She managed, her voice giving out.

He seemed to realize that she was waiting for him to comment on the other thing she'd mentioned, and he leaned forward. "Maddie, if you want to kiss me, I would love that, and I will definitely kiss you back. If you change your mind, that's okay too."

He was so close, and Maddie's heart was going to burst out of her chest.

She moved forward, placing her hands on his shoulders, shyly moving even closer, and Chimney narrowed the distance, stopping short of making contact.

"Are you sure?" He whispered, his eyes meeting hers. "Are you ready?"

And she was.

She leaned in, her lips touching his, and the moment was undescribable. At first, she was only registering what it felt like. His lips were soft, and his hands were strong, as he brought her face closer to his. His other hand moved to her shoulder, gently caressing, and what Maddie expected to be a moment long kiss turned into something much more, but she couldn't have been more pleased.

His lips moved against hers, and Maddie began to realize different things. Kissing was nice. Kissing Chimney was even better, and he really knew what he was doing. His hand fell from her shoulder to her back, pulling her closer, and she climbed onto his lap without even thinking about it, never breaking contact.

Their breathing was escalating, and Maddie found that a moan had worked its way to her lips, and she broke away, a little embarrassed at how intense her reaction had been to just a kiss.

But the way Chimney was staring up at her, and hard he was breathing, she knew it hadn't been just a kiss for him either.

"Um," she said, reaching to touch his face, feeling her anxiety trickling back in.

"Maddie, what are you worrying about?" He whispered, taking her hand and pressing a kiss to it. She shivered a little, and he paused, studying her face. "Did you like that?" He wondered, kissing the inside of her wrist, and she shifted a little, inhaling sharply. "Do you want me to continue?"

"Yes," she managed, and he kissed all over her hand, before moving his arms around her and gathering her closer.

"Can I kiss you, Maddie?" He whispered, and she nodded; he quirked an eyebrow.

"Yes," she said, her hands moving to his face.

And he kissed her again. The second time was even better than the first, and by the end of it, Maddie couldn't remember why she'd been so worried and nervous about the evening.

Chimney was here. She was happy, and she was content, and she felt so safe, just sitting here next to him, holding his hands and kissing him.

Life would be okay.

**A/N: This was really hard for me to write, but it was also a labor of love for myself, and for anyone who has anxiety. Normal things are hard. Sometimes you'll end up crying and have no idea why. But it's okay. And you'll find the good people in life, the ones who will help you through it.**

**Y'all, you know who you are. Mariah, Angela, Rosemary, Audrey, thank you all for your support and for reaching out when I'm feeling down...I love all of you. ~Meowser**


	5. Chapter 5

"How long have you been waiting to tell me that?"

* * *

**Hey y'all! This is for Angel's birthday===aka richonnesmints on fanfiction and ao3 and chimneysmaddie on instagram. Wish her a late happy birthday if y'all haven't already :)**

**Listed above is the tumblr prompt that she chose.**

**Angel, you for real make my life better. You have such a big heart and you are always willing to listen to other people vent and you write AMAZING madney fanfiction and I adore talking madney and JLH with you. Thank you for being you. It's a great person to be.**

**~Meowser**

* * *

Maddie found that a lot of things didn't matter when Chimney came to mind. If she was thinking about him, her whole world seemed to slip away.

He was one of the few people that could made her forget about Doug. Spending time with him made the world fade away, and the bad memories along with it.

They hadn't been dating very long, going casually and slowly, both pretending that they weren't head over heels crazy for each other, and Maddie had been wondering just how close they were getting.

She was so glad he'd come back to her, that their break hadn't gone the way Ross and Rachel's had in Friends, one of the only TV shows she'd kept watched and rewatched.

Here they were, she thought, looking over the patio at Chimney, who was standing at the railing and looking at the LA sky. He'd had a long day. It was fire season in LA again, and it had been a rough week.

She walked up behind him, sliding her arms around his waist and snuggling her face into his back. She loved him so much. And maybe...just maybe...it was time to tell him that.

"Chim?" She whispered, kissing in between his shoulder blades. His hands settled over hers, caressing her knuckles, squeezing lightly when she spoke.

"Maddie?" He whispered back.

"I just want to say, in case you don't already know it, and you really should, considering how much time we spend together…" She was rambling and she knew it. "I love you, Howie Han."

Silence.

Maddie's heart seemed to beat double in her chest as she waited for him to speak.

Chimney slowly twisted in her arms, til he was facing her, til his hands settled at her waist, til his lips touched hers, long and slow.

"I love you too," he whispered, licking at her lips. "So much."

She lay her face in his shoulder, and they watched the city together, quiet and comfortable.

"But just out of curiosity…" Chimney began to speak a few minutes later, breaking the silence. "How long have you been waiting to tell me that?"

She smiled, turning her head to look up at him, and he met her smiling lips with a kiss. "Easy answer is a month," she began. "Hard answer is the day I asked you out on a date. But honestly, I think there was a part of me that loved you that first day you brought over Mission: Impossible and I fell asleep in the middle of it. I loved how your response was to just cover me with a blanket."

"You'd had a long week," he said. "Hey, you'd had a lot of long weeks. I understood. We still have to rewatch it sometime, though."

"Well, I'd love to say yes, but I'm afraid I might get a little distracted, sitting next to you on a couch in a dark room," Maddie purred, her fingers running along his shoulders before pulling him into another kiss.

"I like distractions," Chimney said, and they melted into each other's arms, kissing until breath was hard to come by.

"We can watch it tonight," she told him. "I have the afternoon shift and you're off."

"Yeah," he said quietly.

She paused on her way back inside, hearing how his tone changed. "Chim? What's up? Don't you want to be off?"

"Yeah," he repeated. "I guess. I mean, obviously I'm happy to spend the morning with you. But I feel...guilty about not being out there."

She walked back over, placing her hand on his arm. "Why would you feel guilty? You're working just as much as everyone else this week."

"Yeah, but there's so much stuff going on lately, our calls have been nonstop and I feel like I should be out there," he said. "I don't know."

"I get it," she told him. "You want to help. Of course you do, that's one of the many, many reasons that I love you. You have such a good, giving heart. But Chim, you aren't much help to people if you don't get enough rest. And I know that you are the only person giving yourself a hard time about taking some time off. It's just a day, hon."

He took one of her hands, placing a gentle kiss to it. "Maddie, I love you too," he said.

She tugged on the hand holding hers, trying to pull him inside. "Come on," she said. "Join me on the couch."

* * *

Chimney followed her inside, letting go of her hand as she moved around the room to dim the lights and set up the TV, finally going to the kitchen to grab the popcorn she'd popped before coming out on the patio with him. God, he loved her. She'd made popcorn before she'd even broached the idea of a movie night.

"I love you," he said, taking a handful of popcorn. "You know why? Because you made popcorn just now and didn't tell me."

"I like to surprise people," she said, grinning at him.

"Even though you don't like being surprised," he replied.

"Hey, I'm getting more comfortable with it," she said, sitting next to him and settling into his arm. "Baby steps."

"Yeah," he said, moving closer to her. She pressed play and Mission: Impossible started.

And suddenly, he couldn't be less interested in the movie. She was cuddled into his side, and he could feel every curve. They'd taken it pretty slow so far, but the sex so far had been amazing. He'd never initiated though; he was leaving the ball in her court.

God, he wanted to take her to bed, though. Kiss her until she knew just how loved she was. Run his hands over every inch of her. Make her call out his name.

He really wanted her to call out his name. They hadn't quite gotten to that point, and he wanted to make her want him so bad she completely lost control, and was left clinging to him.

He wanted to make her forget all the bad times. He wanted to show her just how good it could be.

He reached to take the remote off of the coffee table, pressing pause, his throat jumping. "Maddie…"

"Yeah?" She asked, turning to face him, face innocent, voice curious.

"I really want to take you to bed," he admitted. "If you don't want to, that's fine. But I'm not really interested in the movie right now. It's completely your choice though. No hard feelings."

Maddie was just looking at him for a minute, before her hand slowly reached out, closing over his. "Howie, take me to bed," she said. She didn't have to ask twice.

* * *

**A/N: Y'all, I really wanted to finish this scene and write it properly but I'm dying of writers block. I will definitely try to extend it later, but for right now, I just wanted to get this up for Angela.**

**~Meowser**


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I know it’s literally been a year since I updated this story but I found a prompt that fit this timeline :) 
> 
> From Tumblr user storyteller-shealie: 
> 
> “Write about your OTP going on a date, but from the perspective of the third wheel.” 
> 
> Enjoy y’all ~Meowser :) 

It's not like Buck wasn't used to being the third wheel, since he'd been playing that part long before Chimney and Maddie had started dating officially. The memory of when they got Chinese food popped into his head, and he rolled his eyes inwardly.

He debated laying on the horn, but decided he could wait for Maddie to come down for...he checked his phone. He'd been waiting ten minutes already. She'd had long enough. He tapped on the horn, and got an infuriated text.

_I said I needed a few minutes!_

**You've had ten and I'm not waiting longer**

No response, but he finally saw her coming out of the apartment, hurrying to his car with a frown on her face. "Really?" She asked, quirking an eyebrow. "It's my appointment, and we won't be late."

"You know traffic is going to be absolute murder," he shot back. "Chimney is meeting us there?"

"Yeah," she said, getting into his jeep and closing the door. "Thanks for driving me, I didn't expect my car to break down last night, and I couldn't change the appointment."

"Hey, I'm happy to," he said. "Just please don't keep me waiting that long again."

She rolled her eyes, but he saw a smile on his sister's lips in the rearview mirror, and he smiled himself.

"So," he said, as they merged onto the highway. "Any thoughts about the name yet?"

"Not really," she said, fiddling with her seat belt. "It's so soon, we weren't planning on telling people this soon, but you got in on the ground floor, so to speak." She shot him a glance. "You haven't told anyone, right?"

"No, I told you I can keep a secret," he insisted.

"Yeah, you definitely kept that promise when I snuck out in high school," she scoffed.

"Come on, I was in first grade," he protested. "I think I've progressed a little on my secret keeping skills."

"You told Eddie, didn't you?" She asked pointedly.

He found that his cheeks heated at the mention of Eddie. "Hey, he doesn't count," Buck protested. "But no, I didn't."

"Fine," she said.

Buck exited the highway, double checking his phone for directions. "Why did you pick this doctor?"

"This is where the Lees go," Maddie said, distracted and rifling through her purse. "Shit, I think I forgot my wallet."

"Shouldn't be an issue if I'm driving," he said.

"It has my insurance card, Buck," she said.

"Pull it up on your phone," he said. "Paper ID cards are a thing of the past."

"Good idea," she said, but he could tell she was getting flustered. "What if that takes too long and then the doctor keeps us waiting? You know doctors waiting rooms suck."

"Yeah, they do," Buck agreed. "It'll be fine. Will Chimney be on time?"

"He just texted, and he's running just a little behind," she said. "You're right, it'll be fine."

Buck was relieved when they finally pulled into the parking lot; Maddie's stress was getting to him. He was surprised to see Chimney waiting at the door, and he could tell Maddie was too.

"Howie!" She exclaimed, and practically ran the last few steps to throw herself at him. Buck tried to not roll his eyes as she embraced him. They were acting like teenagers.

He could see the excitement on Chimney's face, and in his quick movements. "Hey, thanks for driving her," he said.

"Hey, I made a deal," Buck said. "I get to be in the room for the ultrasound."

He felt a pinch of jealousy as Chimney held open the door; he could see the love in both of their faces, and he wanted what they had. He'd thought that he'd have it by now, too. Abby had made him a romantic, and he now took dating much more seriously. He still hadn't had any luck, however.

Buck followed them inside, watched as Maddie anxiously filled out the intake forms. Finally the nurse called them back, and Buck again followed them. He saw the little things; how Chimney brushed his hand over Maddie's waist before landing it firmly in the firm of her back. He knew how it felt to do that; how intimate it was to guide a woman along.

He felt so lonely. His conversation with Abby had only made him feel more alone, more foolish. She'd told him that she was afraid of losing herself if she returned to him. That didn't even make sense to Buck. Was he really that demanding? He wanted to talk about it, but he didn't know how; he didn't know how to ask his friends that question.

So he'd stayed quiet. When asked if Abby had contacted him, he shrugged his shoulders and pretended it hadn't happened.

Maddie went in the room first, and Buck and Chimney waited outside as she changed and the nurse wrote down her vitals.

"So," Buck began. "Have you given any thought to the name? Because I'd love to nominate Evan if it's a boy."

"Haha," Chimney said dryly. "And we really haven't, it's been so sudden."

"Are you excited?" Buck asked.

Chimney's face softened. "You know how long I've wanted to be a father," he said. "And not to get too personal, but I feel like this long wait was worth it. Your sister is...perfect."

Buck could see the emotions working in Chimney's face, and his own heart pinched.

He wanted that.

"Anyway," Chimney said, clearing his throat. "I'm so happy, really."

"I can tell," he said softly, just as the nurse finally let them into the room.

Maddie was on the table, her belly exposed. She wasn't even showing yet; Buck wouldn't have been able to tell she was pregnant if he hadn't known.

The doctor came in and prepped Maddie's stomach with the ultrasound gel. Maddie reached to take Chimney's hand, and Buck could feel the room still as the doctor set up the machine.

And then, there it was.

On the screen was a baby, and Buck gasped. Somehow it hadn't felt real. Maddie's eyes had filled with tears, and she was clutching Chimney's hand. The heartbeat came over the speakers, and Maddie was the one to gasp now.

Buck stepped out, feeling overwhelmed, and wanting to leave that moment to his sister. His sister and the man she was having a baby with.

He couldn't help but feel blue; he was so happy for her, and yet so scared for himself. The loneliness hadn't gone away, even after Maddie promised that she'd be there. It had gotten worse after the Abby debacle. And this baby thing...he knew it would be great, he couldn't wait, and he planned on being the best uncle ever.

* * *

Chimney had to leave right after, and Buck was glad to drive Maddie back. "I can't believe it's real, you know?" She asked, just as they got to her apartment. "Are you coming in?"

"Yeah, for a bit," he said. She led the way, going straight to her kitchen.

"Coffee or tea?" She asked, prepping her electric kettle.

"Coffee," he said, and she started a K-cup before coming to sit down across from him.

Maddie's face looked distant, and Buck fidgeted with his phone.

"You know, after Doug...I didn't think I'd ever have this," she said softly. "I couldn't imagine bringing a child into that relationship."

"I'm glad you didn't," Buck managed.

The kettle boiled, and Maddie got up to pour her cup, grabbing Buck's coffee on her way back. "Listen, Eddie told me that it was Abby at the train crash," she said, without much preamble.

Buck felt his heart freeze. "I don't want to talk about this," he said immediately.

"Buck," she said sternly. "You're my brother, don't think you can fool me. You've been so depressed these past few weeks, and the only reason we haven't talked about this before now is because I haven't had time."

Haven't had time. He knew that Maddie didn't mean it like that, but it only drilled his feelings of loneliness deeper.

She saw the look on his face, and she shook her head. "And that was wrong," she said. "I should have made time, especially since you didn't even hesitate before you said yes to driving me today."

"It's fine, really," Buck said. "Listen, I really don't want the coffee all that much-"

"You aren't going anywhere," she said gently. "I picked up the phone call about the train wreck, and I realize now it was Abby I talked to. I get why you liked her, she was competent and thorough even having gone through that experience."

Buck couldn't speak.

"And Eddie also told me that you went to very extreme lengths to save her fiance, which tells me that even Abby couldn't have been so cold as to leave LA without talking to you."

"Did Eddie tell you that too?" He asked. "Maddie, I really can't deal with this."

She paused, taking a sip of tea. "Buck, it's not a reflection on you," she finally said, speaking slowly and choosing her words carefully. "I don't know why Abby left, or if she had good reasons. But it is _not_ a reflection on you. You are the most generous person I know, even if you are a little impulsive. But that's part of who you are. And Abby is missing out."

Buck took a long time before he spoke. "She said...she was afraid that she'd lose herself if she...if she came back to LA. That being with me...made her lose herself."

"Well, she knows herself best," Maddie said. "But I am so serious right now, Buck. That's not a reflection on you. She was older, she has her own scars and reasons. You are such an incredible person, and I love that you're my brother, and if she doesn't see how great you are, that is on her." She fidgeted with her tea cup. "Buck, if there's anything I've learned about life it's that good things take time." Her hand fell to her stomach. "And they're worth waiting for."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So Buck kind of ended up taking over but I’m okay with that. Poor guy needs some happiness next season; I hope they don’t ignore his and Abby’s conversation.


End file.
